Two Sides to Caregiving..

As with everything in this crazy world of duality, there are two sides to caregiving.

One is fraught with frustration, upset, blame, worry and fear. The other is blessed with compassion, patience, forgiveness, trust and love. And as different as these two sides may seem, they are sometimes difficult to keep separate. One moment of patience can quickly degrade into frustration, just as a moment of worry can gently melt into trusting…

The important thing to remember is that long term caregivers will most likely experience ALL of these feelings every single day. And these feelings do not make one “good” or “bad”. They simply are what they are, and they will pass and return, unless one consciously and diligently monitors one’s thoughts.

The monitoring and adjustment of one’s thought processes toward loving kindness is one of the most challenging opportunities for growth for both caregivers and those to whom they provide care. Yet, this is the only way we can maintain the loving demeanor we all strive to share.

When we find ourselves in less than a loving mood or are being bombarded with uncompassionate thoughts, this is the time to take a breath, find that quiet place deep inside and spend a moment forgiving the “other” person, ourselves and the situation. Also to remind ourselves that we are all One in spirit and that nothing is hurting us, but our own negative fantasies and judgements.

And yes, sometimes a care-giver has to be firm. We need to set boundaries for ourselves and allow those we take care of to establish and maintain their boundaries, as well. Just because we wipe someone’s backside doesn’t mean they don’t yearn for privacy. Let’s make sure they get as much as they want! On the other hand, just because we are convenient targets of frustration that, say, lack of mobility can bring up doesn’t mean that we have to allow ourselves to be abused - verbally or otherwise.

The difference is that we can leave the situation, so we, as long term caregivers need be ever vigilant of our thoughts and emotions in order to practice more kindness, more understanding and ever more patience.

Patience begets patience. Love begets love.

- Kimberly